Sanctuary
by lycanus1
Summary: Clint confides in a friend and Loki is offered a much needed bolt hole from an unexpected source … *WARNING: AU & very o.o.c. Rated for strong language; Plus, if you're a fan of Jane Foster, well ... this may not be the fic for you. Part 3 of the "Fated" 'verse.*


**Disclaimer: **Everything recognizable belongs to Paramount Pictures, Marvel Entertainment & Marvel Studios (godsdamnit !) - though my gut tells me Clint has his own ideas about that. As for Loki ? Hel ! He's a god and a law unto himself … No copyright infringement is intended.

**Warning: **AU & probably o.o.c. C_ontains unrequited slashy feels and strong language._

**AN 1: **Sequel to_**"Betrayed." **_  
><strong>AN 2: <strong>Ok, this may be a bit crazy, having Maria Hill as Loki's best friend, but like I said, this fic's totally AU & I just loved the idea of Loki having a strong, ballsy woman as his confidante. Sadly, Clint's already nicked Tash to be his & the only other woman worthy to be the Trickster's bff is Agent Hill.

_**XXXXX**_

**So, background to this fic:** Most of the events in the Avengers movie happen. Loki fell into the void, got mixed up with the Chitauri and tried to take over Midgard.

The only differences to the movie is that _both_ Clint and Loki were mind-controlled; Coulson's never killed by Loki – Loki had been fighting to regain his sanity and only made it appear that he'd killed Coulson; when Loki takes off with Clint and Selvig, both Coulson and Maria Hill realize that Loki was also under the sceptre's influence and definitely not in his right mind; when the Avengers finally bring down Loki, Thor's unable to take him back to Asgard as **S****.****H****.****I****.****E****.****L****.****D****.**, under Coulson's advice, take charge of a now sane and genuinely repentant Loki.

**S****.****H****.****I****.****E****.****L****.****D****.** soon become aware that Loki could be a brilliant asset to their organization and end up recruiting him, with Maria as his handler. Maria proves to be strong, highly intelligent and resourceful and also a very good influence on the Trickster. They both clearly respect each other and make a good team. Soon, their relationship develops from working colleagues to friends. A strong trust forms between them and Loki, who never had anyone show as much faith in him as Maria does, repays that faith with an intense, unwavering loyalty. The bond of friendship between them strengthens greatly and is comparable to that of Clint and Natasha's.

_**XXXXXXXXX**_

**Sanctuary**

_**Clint's pov:**_

The first thing I did when I got back inside was go to our table. He wasn't there.

I scanned the crowded bar and to my dismay couldn't see Loki anywhere and he wasn't an easy guy to miss. Luckily, Maria was at her usual spot, _still_ surrounded by her admirers and thoroughly enjoying their company. By now, I was genuinely worried about Loki and concerned about his welfare, so I stalked over towards the booth. If anyone would have an idea where he'd vanished to, it would be his best friend.

"Maria- "

"Hey, Iowa !" Maria grinned at me warmly, raising a Mojito glass in a friendly greeting. We'd always got on well. Had hit it off since we'd first met. Considering she was one of my superiors, one who'd dedicated herself to S.H.I.E.L.D., she was a great girl, with a wicked sense of humour and I always enjoyed her company. Maria was the ultimate professional, one who worked hard and played even harder. "Pull up a chair and join us, yeah ?"

Regretfully, I slowly shook my head. Normally, I wouldn't have refused as the stunning brunette from Chicago had an innate gift of making the world seem a better place. I guess that's why I liked hanging out with her 'n' Tash so much, the girl was always able to lighten my moods and had become a really good friend. One I had a great deal of time for. I couldn't help seeing her as a younger sister and we'd both taken to calling each other by our nicknames, she was always Illinois and I was Iowa.

I quietly scoped the table and noticed that my partner and best friend, Tash was m.i.a.

"Uh, where's Tash ?" I asked, curious that my deadly sister-in-arms appeared to have vanished.

"Oh, gone to get us another refill," Maria raised up the almost empty pitcher in explanation, with a wry grin on her lovely face. "Seems like we kinda drained this one dry. Though I'm sure I might be able to squeeze you a shot."

"'S ok, I'm good, but I need a word, Illinois ... In private. It's Loki ..."

The laughter immediately died in her shrewd blue-grey eyes and her brow furrowed in concern when she saw how worried I was. She slid away from the table, grabbed her shot glass and tipped her head towards the back door.

"Sorry, fellas ... Need a word with my bro here. Be right back. Keep my seat for me, yeah ? " She stalked purposefully towards the exit and I followed her outside. Maria leant against the wall and took a sip from her glass, before meeting my gaze head on. "So, shoot ... What's going on ?"

I sighed heavily and ran an agitated hand through my sandy hair, ruffling it.

"Have you seen Loki in the last ten minutes or so, Maria ?" I asked quietly.

"Nope …" She slowly shook her head, popping the "p" in the word for extra emphasis. "Don't think so. Why ?"

"Shit !" I groaned. "Fuck ! He's bolted ... Flown the coop. _I _should've stuck with him. Should've realized he'd do that ... Jeez, I'm a fucking idiot- "

"Clint ! What the fuck's going on ? Why's Loki bolted ? _Tell me !_"

I chewed my lower lip uneasily and anxiously rubbed my nape, before looking up to meet Maria's steady gaze. "He ... uh ... Fuck ! Ten minutes ago, he caught Thor cheating on hi- "

"No fucking way, man. Thor would _never_ do that to him. _He_ loves Lok- "

"Oh, yeah ? That dumb jerk sure loves him ..." I spat angrily. "Loves him so much that he got caught getting blown earlier in the back alley by that mousy, little science chick, huh ?"

"What ? That Foster woman Coulson confiscated data from a while back ? No way …"

"Yes, way … He loves Loki so much that the poor bastard hears Thor tell plain Jane that he _doesn't _love Loki anymore 'cause he loves her ? That they've been fucking each other behind Loki's back over the last six months. Loki _never_ saw it coming, Maria ... He just snapped. Lost it. I've never seen him so mad 'n' he has a mean right hook. Almost floored Thor before the big guy even saw it comi- "

"Wait up ... Loki nearly k.o.'d Thor ? He hates getting into fist fights."

"Uh-huh ... I'd hate to have been on the receiving end of that one. Hell ! After seeing that, he's not a guy I'd want to piss off. No way ... He just stormed off, Maria 'n' I'm worried as hell about him. The state he was in, he shouldn't be on his own. Where would he go to cool or blow off steam ?"

"Shit ! What a fucking mess ! Need me to come with you ?" Maria frowned before taking another sip of Mojito.

"Nah, I'm cool. Just need a heads up where he could've gone to, 's all ..."

"Sure ..." she paused then eyed me thoughtfully. "Listen, Iowa, don't take this the wrong way, but why are _you _so het up about this ? Why are you taking it so fucking personally ?"

"'Cause Loki's a friend. Pure 'n' simple. He needs someone right now 'n' if that had happened to me, I'd damn well hope someone would be willing to support me. Hell ! Hill, if you were going through something similar, I'd be there for you too- "

Maria slowly shook her head. "There's more to it than that, Clint. You care for hi- "

"You're imagining things, Mar- " Damn ! I thought, there's no hiding things from Maria. She's too similar to Tash for my liking, when it comes to being observant 'n' gathering intel. She doesn't miss a goddamn trick. She fucking knows ...

"Bullshit, bro ! I've seen the way you've been acting lately. I ain't blind ... I've seen the way you look at him when you think no one's paying attention. How your eyes _always_ fall on him first and how they light up when you see him. So, don't tell me I'm imagining things, dumbass. I ain't dumb ... I've noticed you've been trying to distance yourself from us lately. That you're unhappy and uneasy around us. How seeing Loki and Thor together's slowly killing you ... Didn't want to mention anything - thought it was none of my fucking business and that if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me - but I _know_ what you're going through. The pain you're suffering. How badly it hurts to love someone you can't have ... _I've_ been through it and I recognize the signs. You love Loki or I should say you're _in_ love with him ..."

I reluctantly raised my head and silently watched her. There was no point denying what Maria had just stated. 'N' if I did, she'd call me up on it before I even got a foot back inside the door.

I sighed and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. I'd honestly thought that no one knew how I'd felt. That I'd successfully managed to keep it to myself. Should've known that someone as observant as Maria would realize something was up. But in a way, I was glad someone knew ... 'n' even more relieved that it was Maria. Someone I could trust to keep her yap shut and not say anything. That was another good thing about her, when it came to her friends, the woman was loyal and anything she'd learnt, unless work related and she had no choice but to reveal, remained with her. She never betrayed a confidence.

"You gonna tell him ?" she asked softly, blue-grey eyes full of compassion.

"_What ?!_ You crazy ? Hell, no ... there's no way I'm telling him. He _can't_ know about it, Maria. I mean it. I _don't _want him to find ou- "

The lithe, elegant brunette agent looked confused. "I don't understand ... Why won't you say something ? Doesn't make any sense ..."

"_You're_ confused ? 'N' _I'm_ not ? I'm still struggling to get my head around this ever since Thor showed up here with Loki- "

"Wait a minute ... Back up ... _You're_ telling me you've felt this way about Loki all this fucking time ? That _you've_ kept this to yourself for so long ?" Maria gave a low incredulous whistle. "Jeez ! You must be a masochist, birdbrain. You've put yourself through all this crap for this long. Clint, you're one crazy sonuvabitch ..."

I shrugged helplessly. "What can I say ? It's Loki ... Having him as a friend is better than _not _having him in my life. But he can never know how I feel, Maria ... He just sees me as a friend 'n' I have to deal with that. If he finds out, I end up losing someone that means a helluva lot to me 'n' that's the last thing I want. Swear you won't tell him anything. _Swear ..."_

"Can't say I like or agree with what you're doing ... But if this is how you want to handle it, then no one's gonna hear anything from me ..." Maria looked down at her glass as she slowly swirled its contents whilst tossing a stray brunette lock over a slim shoulder. "Still think you should hang on in there, if you feel so strongly about him though ... Play the long game. Couldn't hurt ... See how things pan out- "

"No way ! It'd just blow up in my face. Big time. I'm just gonna help him through this, 's all. Then as soon as he's over it, I'm outta here. Like I planned before this happened. I'm gone ..."

Maria's eyes narrowed with anger and disappointment. "You mean to say you were planning on getting the fuck outta here ? Without telling any of us ? I can't believe I'm hearing this ... What about Loki ?"

"Loki'll be fine. I may be a fool, but I ain't gonna hang around kidding myself that he's ever gonna feel the same way about me ... Look at him, Maria ... He's a goddamn genius, super smart, gifted 'n' when you get to know him, so funny 'n' has a kind, beautiful soul. Not to mention being drop-dead gorgeous 'n' sexy as hell ... He could have anyone he wants 'n' I _know_ that person _ain't_ gonna be me. No matter how badly I want it to be ..."

Maria continued to glare at me. "Yeah ... Loki's all of those things you said. But right now, he's probably hurting like crazy, is as pissed as hell and feels his world's fallen apart. He needs his friends around him. He needs _you._ And you're right, he _could_ have anyone he wanted. Easily ..." she paused then continued with a soft growl. "I never took you for a fool, Barton. Nor a coward. Always believed you Iowa boys were tough. Brawlers. Willing to fight for what you want and believe in ... So, prove me wrong. Fight for him. 'Cause I honestly think you two could be great together, if you got the chance to hook up ..."

I must've looked as stunned as I felt, because she suddenly flashed me a wicked grin. "If you want _and_ love him, Hawkeye, then go for it ... I got a strong gut feeling that you'd make each other very happy and I _know_ you'd never deliberately hurt Loki. But if you do, I'll have your hide, 'cause he's like family to me. I swear to God, I _will _hurt you and I won't even think twice about it. Got it ?"

"Thor won't like it- "

"Screw what he thinks. 'S not like _he_ gave a single goddamn thought about Loki's feelings when he started fucking that Jane. Nah ... if you can make Loki happy, then screw what everyone else thinks ... _He's_ all that matters. Ok ?" She pulled out a scrap of paper from her purse and quickly began to scribble on it, before handing it over to me. "These are a few of the places he's been known to hang out when he's at a loose end or just wants to think, you could try them. Just keep him safe and out of trouble for me, 'k ?"

I took the scrap of paper and nodded my thanks, then hurriedly left the bar. Somehow, I had a nasty feeling in my gut that this could well turn out to be a _very_ long night ...

_**XXXXX**_

I eventually tracked Loki down to the last bar on Maria's list.

He sat propping the far corner of the bar, intent on drinking himself into unconsciousness. It looked like he'd quit drinking beer and had switched to the hard liquor - neat Jack Daniels and plenty of it. I eased myself onto the empty barstool next to him and ordered myself a double of the same.

"Jeez ! You're a hard bastard to find when you go to ground, Mischief ..." I muttered as I leisurely raised the shot glass to my lips and sipped the dark amber liquid thoughtfully, savouring its smoky taste. Loki didn't bother to look at me. He kept his gaze fixed straight ahead and knocked back the contents of his glass before beckoning the bartender over for a refill.

"You knew ..." he stated baldly. The tone of his husky voice quiet and monotonous. "You fucking _knew_, Hawk ... That I was being played ..."

"Hell, no ! Is that what you _really_ believe ? That I knew what was going on behind your back ? I only got wind of it tonight. Same time as you. _Both_ of us were in the dark about this ... I swear I hadn't a fucking clue what Thor was up to ... I don't take kindly to being played for a fool 'n' they did it - to both of us ..." I growled softly, then paused when I glimpsed the wealth of pain and hurt in Loki's striking green eyes once he turned his head to look at me. "I swear on my life I _never _hid or kept anything from you. Couldn't do that to you, Lo. I'd never be able to forgive mysel- "

Loki gave a tremulous sigh. A ghost of a sorrowful smile graced his handsome profile. He ran a tired hand through his thick, shoulder-length mane. Mesmerized, I couldn't tear my eyes away from those long, slim, callused, talented fingers as they carded through the long, glossy raven tresses.

"Sorry, Clint, for lashing out ... I'm not seeing things too clearly right now. I'm not blaming you, 'cause I know you're being straight with me. Can tell just by looking at you. It's in your eyes ... They don't lie ..."

I shifted uneasily on my stool. I'd always known Loki could read me. That he could tell when I was evasive, stressed out or upset. I'd just never known how good he was at seeing through me. 'N' it kinda threw me for a loop that he hadn't picked up on the fact that I was in love with him. Either he was oblivious because of his feelings for Thor, or he was just too kind-hearted to tackle me about it. That he didn't want to rub any more salt into the raw, gaping wound that I willingly suffered because of him ...

I took another sip of Jack and we both sat in companionable silence.

"I don't get it, Clint ..." Loki's husky voice suddenly broke the silence. "What the fuck did I do wrong ? What did I do to deserve being treated like shit, huh ? I never cheated. Not once. All those goddamn years I was fucking faithful and this is how he repays me. And hell, yes ... there were times when I was so fucking tempted, y'know ? Could've screwed around like crazy, but I didn't 'cause I couldn't live with myself if I did ... I fucking loved him so much ..." He raised the shot glass to his lips with a trembling hand, unaware of the liquor as it spilled over his fingers.

Slowly, I turned my body at an angle to look at him and hated seeing how visibly shaken and upset he was. It was surprizing that he'd managed to hold it together so well up to now, but he'd always been a passionate soul. One who felt things to the quick. So it was inevitable that his tenuous self-control would eventually snap. I reached into my pocket for my lighter and Marlboros and took one before silently offering the pack to him. He took one with a nod of thanks and placed it between his sensuous lips. I reached across to light it and my breath suddenly hitched when his palm came to rest on top of my hand to steady it. I felt a sudden spark as his skin came into contact with mine, whether he felt the same surge of electricity I couldn't say as his face revealed nothing.

"Thanks ..." he mumbled quietly and gave me a faint, sad smile before slowly removing his hand from mine.

"No problem, Mischief ... So, uh, what you gonna do ?"

"In all honesty ? I'm fucked if I know ... All I do know is that I'm not ready to see him again ... That I don't want to see him."

I rubbed my tired eyelids with the pads of my thumb and index finger and sighed. "Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Lo, but it seems to me like you're gonna have to bite the bullet on that one- "

Loki threw me a confused look. "I'm not following you ... What the fuck d'ya mean ?"

"You're rooming with Thor ?"

"So ? What's that got to do with anything ?"

"Your stuff's still there, man ... If you want your gear, you'll have to go back there for it," I gently reminded him and immediately kicked myself as the colour immediately drained from his face. He'd clearly forgotten _that _little detail.

"Shit ! I can't go back there, Clint. No way ... I fucking can't ... I'm not ready to face him. Damn ! What a fucking mess. I'll have to get a room somewhere- "

"Huh ! You'll be lucky ..." I growled pessimistically, before swallowing another mouthful of Jack. "It's the height of the tourist season in case you've forgotten ?"

Loki shook his head in silent dismay. "Looks like I'm well 'n' truly fucked, huh ? "

I took a long drag from my Marlboro and glanced down at his right hand. His cigarette rested untouched between his index and middle finger, a long trail of ash dangling from its lit end. I knocked back the remaining contents of my glass and got to my feet, slipping the cigarette pack and the lighter into the back pocket of my jeans.

"I'm heading back. It's been a hellishly long day," I said quietly. "You coming ?"

His head jerked up and his stunning green eyes were wide and surprized. "Uh, where ?"

I rolled my eyes. "Back to my old place, idiot. You need somewhere to crash. You're welcome to the spare room. It ain't much. It's small 'n' spartan but it's clean 'n' it's yours, _if_ you want it ..."

"If it means I don't have to deal with Thor ... small and spartan I can live with. Thanks ..." Loki gave me another faint smile that was tinged with sorrow and unsteadily got to his feet. He swayed and without thinking, I reached out to steady him and felt his warm, wiry frame lean into my body. Any tension he'd had seemed to have vanished and he relaxed against me.

"Hey ... No worries. What are friends for, huh ?" I attempted to keep the tone of my voice light, but to my dismay, heard a trace of bitterness in the words that I spoke. Thankfully, he'd been too up close and personal with Jack Daniels to notice. I attempted to remove myself from temptation. From him. Then I suddenly felt his arm wind its way around my waist as he clung to me for further support.

"Guess I'm kinda wasted, huh ?" he muttered. He raised his head and met my gaze sheepishly, then gave a slight, yet extremely sweet smile before nestling his toned, athletic body trustingly against mine. I immediately tensed. Being so close to Loki was literally killing me and he was blissfully unaware of it.

"You're so going to have a bitch of a hangover in the morning, Mischief ... For someone so skinny you sure can hold your liquor. I'd really hate to be you tomorrow ..." I teased him gently as I settled the bar bill.

"Huh ! 'S not much fun being me right now ..." he mumbled as he allowed me to gently push him out of the bar. "My life's fucking shit and I don't see things getting better any time soon ..."

There was nothing I could say to that. Nothing that wouldn't sound trite or absolute crap anyway. So, I just silently stood beside him and allowed him to slump wearily against me as we both waited for a cab to take us back to my old place. Hopefully, after a good night's sleep, things would look better in the morning ...

**FINIS**


End file.
